May 16, 2008

My Shitty New Keyboard

I threw good hard cash at a new keyboard two weeks ago (not literally - the coins get stuck between the “A” and the “S” keys, I’ve discovered, and make typing emails to assholes that much more difficult, if not expensive) and I’m now beginning to regret it. Not the kind of regret that shutting your dick in a fridge door brings - just the kind of regret that, say, missing your chance to punch a politician in the face would generate.

Electrical ennui. That kind of thing.

Okay - the keyboard was cheap. In reality, I guess it’s a step up from one a child would practice on before graduating to posting barely literate threats in the comments section on YouTube. But I’ve stuck with it for almost two weeks now, and it’s getting too much. I realise that everything new comes with its own quirks, and you normally accept them, and grow to adapt to them usually, but it’s getting beyond a joke now. The most pressing problem (pun not intended) is the backspace key. You really need to hit it in the centre for it to register, whereas with most, the edge will do. Okay - I could make fewer fucking mistakes when typing, but that’s not the point. I’m a pretty accurate touch-typist, but having to adjust my movements for a shittily responsive key should not be part of the deal - cheap or not cheap.

Now - I’ve noticed - some of the keys just under the home keys start squeaking slightly after some intense typing. And the spacebar is a bit pernickety too. It’s getting to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if the number keys don’t just burst into flames for no apparent reason. I think a swap out is due, if you ask me. Which you can’t, really.

I sort of miss the old days, with the old IBM keyboards, when you could really hear the switches getting pressed under each key. Alright, they were made from iron and needed to be lifted by two burly, unionised men onto the desk, but dammit - you knew where you were with them. And the clicky-clacky nature of them usually gave the impression you were doing more work than you actually were. Which is a bonus for anything, really.

Yeah. It’s going. Tomorrow. During daylight, when I’ve got a reasonable chance of finding the PS2 port behind my beige monster without resorting to wearing a miner’s lamp.

Also - I swear some of the keys are not in normal QWERTY order.

I swear.