Strange Bird Watch
Insomniac that I am, I often find myself awake at the weirdest possible hours. One of these “weird hours” is roundabout 5am. Okay - if you’re a baker, you’re probably thinking I’m over-reacting somewhat, but I don’t care, and while we’re on the subject; I don’t want fucking bakers reading my Tumblr log thing, so fuck off you bunch of bitter, early-rising flour-sniffing shits - I’ve had enough of you and your incessant whining about wheat.
Oh, yes. Anyway - I’m up at this un-Godly hour a lot, and I’ve come to notice the strangest squawky bird noise on a regular basis. I feed wild birds in my garden, so I tend to attract a right bunch of flying-idiots all yammering and fighting over nuts and seed like the be-beaked bastards that they are. And around 5am every morning there’s a terrible squawking from an unseen source. Judging by the volume and tenacity of said squawk, I picture this bird with the wingspan of an Airbus 380 with claws the size of trains and beady eyes like oil drums, perhaps with the ability to both eat and shit children whole. Of course, I’ve yet to see this hell-bird, but I’m pretty sure my description is accurate. It’s squawk-scream makes my windows rattle and my cats run into the tumble-dryer, and I worry that should my sleep patterns every right themselves, I’ll still be woken at 5am by fucking Mr Death Bird or whatever it is.
It’s enough to make me stop feeding birds. Or having windows.
3 years ago • Notes